Hello, hello, is this thing on? 

Lets get down to it!  This could be a long one, so you might want to grab a cuppa.  I took a break from blogging, a very long break.  I took a break from crafting, not quite as long as the blog break but still a few months.  Where have I been?  Honestly, nowhere.  My life has been a bit all over the place, I don't talk too publically about my personal life, but that's about to change. 

It's time to make a confession, I have been suffering with crippling depression, stress and anxiety.  I have gained a huge amount of weight. I am going through not one break up but two and I lost my job.  Well that sounds pretty crap doesn't it? 

I don't know where to start with everything, it's been a hellish few years.  My husband and I split up, I embarked on a new relationship that sadly ended and then I lost my job all whilst struggling to find the will to live.  Somehow though, this all ended up being the turnaround point for me.  I was at the lowest I'd been and the fight or flight kicked in.  I fought back, hard.  It was 4 weeks to Christmas, I had no support and no money.  I started applying for every job going, I was applying so much I lost track of ones I'd applied for and the website would tell me I had already applied.  I started my own business dog walking, I took a cleaning job, I was temping for my friends new business.  By January I was juggling 3 jobs and had no time to even think about what was going on.  

The sheer chaos of everything left me no time to be depressed, which sounds silly but it was true, I just had too much to do.  It was stressful and exhausting.  I came to a point where I didn't want to be held back by the illness, I didn't want this to be life, taking a tablet every morning just to get through the day.  I decided to come off my medication and start living my life again.  I know I'm simplifying all this, it's not easy, it's hard and rock bottom is the worst place you can be.  I am not blind to the fact that the flight mode could very easily have won out and I may not even be here now.  It sounds so grim and some might think melodramatic, but that's how bad I had been.  I had wanted to die, several times. 

Molly & Lochie - one of the dogs I was caring for. 
Things are turning around now, I have a full-time job working with an old colleague who started a new business.  He and his business partner are proving very successful and I love the work.  I had to fold my own dog walking business to take this position, but it was the most stable option.  

I've been pursuing a new hobby too, I have taken up pole dancing.  It's great fun and whilst it's still shrouded in stigma, I challenge everyone to give it a go.  The students in my classes have become some brilliant friends, we have fun, we laugh and it's the only place you will hear some of the weirdest things said such as 'could you please pass me my foot?' 'Any chance you could give my bum a shove' 'can you see any of my nipple?' I might still be overweight and self conscious when I'm in my shorts and vest, but I am a lot stronger than I was, I can do things I never thought possible.  

Pole Trick - Gold Rush
This is a photo of me recently in the studio doing a trick called Gold Rush.  Yes my inner thighs burn holding this and are like a bruised peach. 

I decided that my other hobbies and parts of my life would play a greater part on my blog going forward, that it would no longer be just about the crafting.  I took this opportunity to give the blog a revamp, a cleaner look and a refresh!  I will be sharing other things I do and love.  I understand that some people may be put off by pole dance and not approve and that's fine, I wont force my opinion on you however I would expect the same by return, just click the unfollow button and we are all good.  

I took part in a photoshoot at my studio, Millie Robson, an amazing pole dancer and photographer came to the studio and made us all look fabulous.  

Pole Trick - Y 
I have chosen a couple of trick photos for you to have a gander at and perhaps as I progress with the blog more I will share the rest of the photos. 
Pole trick, inverted crucifix
I am currently at the half way point of level 2, I have all the tricks down, but I need them polished up and looking great and then I need to do them all on my weaker side - I don't want to be lopsided after all.  

All in all, I feel a lot better in myself, I'd like to lose the weight I've gained and I'd like to get fitter.  I have made positive changes in my life to help with this.  I still walk Molly a lot.  We do still enjoy a trip to the beach. 

Beach Dog
I had braces, to help correct my horrendously crooked teeth, they have come off and I now have a nicer smile :o) After having the cement ground off, my teeth are looking a lot whiter too! It may be a future post about the trials and tribulations of adult braces, watch this space.  For now the retainer is my best friend. 

I have not forgotten where this blog started from and I will continue to share my cards and creations.  

This card was made using a Simply B Stamps digital stamp, she was a giveaway via the Facebook group and I can't remember if you can now buy her or not.  Betty is re-launching her digi store on Etsy, take a look for her there or join our Facebook group for inspiration. 

I printed this image with a view to working on my colouring, I've been taking the online colouring classes at Kit and Clowder (I cannot recommend Alyce enough, she's amazing).  Once I finished practising the hair and skin, the rest just flew out my markers and before I knew it this card was made. 

I used my spellbinders die to create the wave paper, I used copic markers for colouring, the papers are from LOTV - now discontinued, sorry :'( Cheese cloth is from the ribbon girl as is the lace, ribbon and gems were in my stash.  

Now that I am back on the blog circuit I'll be stopping by everyone for a catch-up and I'll be looking out for new blogs to follow.  

I hope that you have enjoyed this post and will continue to follow me going forward with life's new adventures. 

Thanks for visiting, Lyns xx

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